Still

Blue Smoke

 

It was the cast of the gray smoke
Looming large over my heart
Rasping for one more breath
Made me curse the dark
Beating slower
And slower
Slower
Still

©2011 Michael Yost

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lorenzoviesi/434805010/
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43 responses to “Still

  1. am particularly intrigued by the form of ppoetry you have used 🙂 it brings out the stillness. Lovely!

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  2. I love the feeling that looms in this poem. Interesting that all the ones I have read (including mine) have that choking feeling

    Read Myrna she is going the same direction as yours (she is right after you in the link line)

    Thanks for sharing with One Shot

    MDW

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  3. Very clever ending!

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  4. A short piece that packs quite a punch. The reducing syllable count is very effective for the theme.

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  5. Mike – great piece – totally dig it.

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  6. This is so effective, Michael. I felt the oppression and found myself wanting to take a deep breath. Well done.

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  7. It’s like the fog of a death rattle. Well done.

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  8. Scary, wonderful, and I love the graphic dimension.

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  9. nice…i feel the descent in your form…

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  10. It’s intersting how some of us were thinking along the same vein. Enjoyed yours.

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  11. Agree with Glynn..this rattles more than leaves in the forest..hearing nothing –the sound of the grim reaper.

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  12. Still – perfect way to end this poem. You made an awful reality quite fun.

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  13. STILL… great title and great poem. The almost slow down of the verses at the end make it all work.

    Jim Bronyaur.
    http://www.jimbronyaur.com
    http://www.twitter.com/jimbronyaur

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  14. signed .............bkm

    beautiful – goes so well with photo…and your question – yes, it is “on tear” – hedgewitch asked the same question…this was reply

    hedgewitch, great comment here…it was intentional “on tear came”…as if one single tear held back years of emotion in the words that followed…bkm

    Happy New Year….thank you for all your kind comments…

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    • Thanks for the quick response to my question. I try hard not to read other comments before I post mine; it sometimes discourages me as someone may have already said or asked the same question. Thanks for stopping by and and for commenting. Here’s hoping for a Great New Year to you as well.

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  15. You wrapped it up perfectly, Michael. It was like a clock winding down and stopping. “Still”…not much more to be said after that. I love it.

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  16. very clever. As I read it following the form I found I was holding my breath by the last word! very good punch.

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  17. Stunningly simple – the poem “breathes”

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  18. I read it again and again. I like the structure of the poem…

    Here is my one shot:
    musical whirlwind

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  19. I have to agree with the comments already here: the descent, the smoke, the title, to the well phrased verse. I like it. 🙂

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  20. I like this – sort of an inverted shortened Etheree… the waning to just one syllable is very effective given the context

    Write on man

    Luke @ WordSalad

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  21. “It was the cast of the gray smoke
    Looming large over my heart…”

    This reminds me of how I wasted 6 years of my life watching “Lost” and all my questions went unanswered. I have cursed that show many times since.

    That being said, I really like it, and your style!

    Like

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